Finding My Light
by Bri-C123
Summary: The world did not always live in darkness, but for all her life, Kamiya Kaoru has lived in that darkness. She loses, but she gains much more. Will she ever live in a world of light, rather than darkness?


_Finding My Light_

By **Bri-C123**

* * *

"I want you to kill her."

"I only kill for a price."

"Name it. I have the money and I have the power."

"Neither are what I want. I'll let you know when I kill her. Be ready for a hefty payment."

"Very well." The demon disappeared and the warlock sighed. "See, dear, if you had just done as I said, everything would be alright. But now things have to get dirty and I hate getting dirty."

~~~~ Few Days Later~~~~

"Please! Give me sanctuary! I need a sanctuary!" The woman pounded on the door and cried. "Someone! Please help me!"

At the sound of footsteps, she turned and cradled the bundle closer to her chest. "I see the demon hasn't gotten to you yet, Ami. A pity, really."

"You have to stop this! You can't go after me forever!"

"I don't care about that! You haven't done as I asked. Now a price must be paid."

"You have to pay a price too! Don't you realize what you have done?! This will ruin the balance! If she isn't raised the way she should-!"

"I KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN YOU WITCH!" He backhanded her and she fell against the building. The baby in her arms jostled but blessedly remained asleep. "That abomination you have brought to this world should not be! She can take away everything we have worked for!"

"It was everything _you_ worked for! You knew it was wrong, and yet you still pursued that path! I have stayed by your side but I cannot allow you to kill she who can cleanse this world and bring back the light you have selfishly taken away!"

"You bitch!" His hand was raised to bring down his wrath, but was quickly stopped by another.

"I am not keen on abusing women."

The man turned, enraged, and stopped as he recognized the person stopping him. "You haven't done as I told you demon. She is still living. Why haven't you completed your job?"

"I was thinking on it. You have not bound me to this job. I can still turn back if I wish."

"You-!"

"You may be powerful, warlock, but I am stronger still. I can decide what happens here. What are you willing to pay?"

"I don't care! As long as I can continue my work!"

"Not good enough." The woman shrunk back as the air began to smell of burnt flesh. The man screamed in pain. "I will take my payment one day. You have summoned me for something I deem trivial. It was a waste of my time. One day, your death shall follow. When you die, your black soul will be mine." The guy cradled his hand and scampered away.

The demon turned to the woman. She pulled the baby closer to her chest, hoping that no sound will be made. They only stared at each other for a moment. "What will you do to me, sir?" she whispered.

"Sir?" The demon laughed. "It has been a long time since I've been called sir. I spared your life today, madam. I will expect a payment."

"But sir, I have nothing to give."

He is silent for a moment. He indicates the baby in her arms. "One day, that child will be drained of that which gives life."

"No!" she holds the child closer as if to protect it from such words. "You can't!"

"I will."

"You don't understand! You can't!"

"I will do what I want human!" His voice roared into the night.

"She can bring back the light! She is-"

"I know who she is. She is the one this world has been waiting for. But she cannot do anything yet. It is not her time." He bared his teeth towards her. "I will be back for you too. I was summoned to take you. Raise this child. But I will come for you. Sooner than you think." He disappeared into the night and the woman collapsed onto her knees.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry my lady."

* * *

Her father was never actually blood related to her. Her mother always told her that. "Your father raised and will raise you. That is what makes him your father."

Her mother also let hew know that life is not meant to be lived in the dark. The darkness they live in now is not natural. Made by mages who only wanted money and fame. They hid away the sun with dark clouds of grey. That is what makes them evil: the greed.

When Kamiya Kaoru was five, her mother died. It had happened so quickly. They were taking a stroll by the river. They had always done it. They stopped by the little old shrine that was hidden by bushes. Her mother kneeled. She began talking. There was no one there, but she seemed to be having a conversation. Kaoru sat silently, not bothering her mother as she was taught.

"You really did come sooner than I thought… No, I do not regret anything. I have come to terms with this a long time ago… Yes, I understand what this means." She turned to the young girl sitting next to her. A hand lifted to stroke her dark hair. "I have raised her as well as I could." Kaoru lifted her head to look at her mother with a confused look. Her child was innocent, and yet had such great power. She leaned down to kiss her head. "Just let me say goodbye first."

Kaoru blinked once. "Kaa-chan, don't be sad." Her small hand lifted to touch her mom's hair. "I can show you something that will make you happy." Her hands formed a cup and her brows furrowed a little bit. A small ball of light floated in the space between her hands before it disappeared with a puff. The girl giggled and looked up to her mother's shocked face. "See Kaa-chan! It was light. You can feel happy now, right? The light is supposed to make everyone feel happy!"

"I…" There was a pause. "Bye Kaoru-chan. Kaa-chan has to go now."

"But Kaa-chan….?"

"Kaa-chan's sorry, Kaoru. Kaa-chan can't stay with you any longer."

"Is it because I made light? I thought light was supposed to make you happy!" The child began to cry. "I'm sorry Kaa-chan. Please don't go. Kaoru-chan is sorry!"

"Shush now!" Gentle but firm hands wiped tears away. "A woman must be strong. We must not let our tears blind us, so we must not cry. We must be strong, to fight for what we believe in. We have to accept what happens no matter what. We are strong, Kaoru-chan. We can always be stronger." A kiss to her forehead. "I love you Kaoru-chan. Nothing will change that." There was another kiss to her forehead. "Kaa-chan really has to go now."

"Kaa-chan" the girl wailed. Incoherent wails of a child followed. Kaoru could still see her mother lying on the ground. What she saw next seemed to be unimaginable, but to a five year old, it was reality. A rather large man held out his hand and pulled her mother up. She watched as the two of them disappeared. "Kaa-chan! Come back! Don't leave me!" But she never returned.

It was something Kaoru could never forget. Her father had found her later, when it had gotten dark. He heard her cries, and found her mother dead. "Ami…" He had no tears, for she was not his woman, but he felt the sympathy and pity for the child next to the corpse. "Come, Kaoru-chan. Tou-san will take you home."

"Big man took Kaa-chan away! Tou-chan!" She cried for hours on end. She sat in her rooms for days. When she came out a week later, she was no longer a child. She had no more tears running down her face. She had matured. She no longer complained, as a young child should. She held her head high, and bravely spoke her feelings.

When Kaoru was ten, she asked her father to teach her swordsmanship. His students had started learning when they were seven, she decided to wait. When she asked, he had been outraged. No woman should learn swordsmanship. It was simply a man's thing, but she had been unrelenting. She sat in on the sessions and worked when she could so that she could buy her own bokken. She followed him every where and even began to buy men's clothes that would fit her. He had finally given up. "I wish I could say the stubbornness is from your mother" he grumbled. "But I was the one who raised you after all. I guess I have no choice. You will become my apprentice, but I will work you harder than anyone else. You will not have a choice of quitting."

"Yes, Otou-san." She kneeled and bowed until her forehead touched the dojo floor. "I am your faithful student, Sensei. Please teach me well." There, by the light of a candle, she began to learn the ways of the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu.

Her father was happy with her progress. He even added her name plate and let her assist in his classes. She began mastering the simple and difficult katas, until finally, he could only teach her the succession techniques. They were meditating in the dojo, when he had told her. It made her happy. She grinned and hugged her father. "Thank you Tou-san." She pulled back and found that he was laughing too. At that moment, she could not have felt happier.

Then, as she laughed, her hands began to glow, and a small ball of light bounced into the room. The light seemed to make Kaoru happier, and she felt like she could breath. Her father felt it too. The two watched the light bounce a few times before it disappeared with a puff. Koshijiro was no stranger to magic, and knew what this would do. He quickly ordered her to never show that to anyone. Otherwise, she would get killed.

* * *

When Kaoru was eighteen, her father died. She had learned the last succession technique and was beginning to master it. He was found in his bed, with his heart stopped. They had said it was natural causes. Kaoru could tell it was magic. His room smelled like the air on top of a mountain she once climbed. Full of black magic and hard to take in. She felt like she couldn't breath at all. No one else seemed to notice, but she knew. She didn't say anything, but she had always known. No one could do anything anyway. It was already over.

She did not cry at her father's funeral. She did not cry when she buried him. She did not cry when the flowers were put on his grave and everyone left. She knelt by his grave, even as it rained, and the sky turned darker. She knelt for five days.

"Miss, it isn't good to sit on the dirt, that it isn't. Are you hurt? Should this one call someone to help?" She looked up and blinked. He had bright red hair. His eyes were also purple. The contrast was great, but they complimented each other well. She blinked again, hoping the bright colors weren't just an illusion. "Miss? Are you alright?"

"I… am fine." These are the first words she has spoken since finding her father. She looked back towards the grave. "There is nothing you can do for me here. Please, be on your way."

The man didn't move. She listened for his movements, but instead, he kneeled next to her and put his hands together. He was silent, with his eyes closed, for a moment. When he opened his eyes again, they went straight to her. She watched him warily. "It is okay to mourn, but you should not mourn for too long. Surely, you can find something to be happy about? It takes time, but time is a balm for pain, as long as you treat yourself right, that it is." She stared at him in silence. He began to fidget. "O-oro. Was that the wrong thing to say? Did this one sound really weird? This one is sorry, that he is!"

She couldn't help the small smile the made its way to its lips. "You talk a little funny, that you do."

"O-oro?"

"But there is one thing that makes me happy. I can't have it right now, but one day, I hope to see it everyday."

"What would that be, miss?"

A full blown smile made its way to her lips. The first since her father had told her she could learn the succession techniques. "Light." She stood up before he could respond. "Well, I think that's enough. I've sat here long enough. You've gotten your clothes dirty too. Come, I'll let you rest at my home. I've got the space, anyway." She began walking away, stopping only once to glare at him. "Come on. I'm not going to wait for your every step you know."

"A-ah… this one is coming. He stands and hurries after her. They fell in step together. "Umm, Miss, is it really alright for you to invite a stranger to your home? After all…"

"I know what I can and can't handle. Besides, it's the least I can do for you after you've sat with me today. I suppose, it helped me."

She didn't look at him, but he watched her for a minute before smiling. "Well, this one thanks you for your hospitality, that he does. This one is called Himura Kenshin, that he is."

"I'm Kamiya Kaoru. It's nice to meet you."

There, her adventures with Himura Kenshin began.

They made many friends over the year they spent together. She found out he was Battousai, but it only served to explain his stealth and strength. She didn't mind. She knew him as Kenshin, and Kenshin is who he really is. They met friends along the way, kind people like Sano, Yahiko and Megumi. Life was always interesting, and slowly, the emptiness that used to be her heart began to fill.

But still, the world lived in darkness.

It seemed impossible to ever live in a world full of light. Even with friends as close as family, Kaoru could never feel the happiness that filled her childhood. She could not bring back those feelings of innocence and pure, untainted joy. She had tried to create those sparks of light again. Each and every time she would sit in her dark room and concentrated on the things that made her happy now: her friends, her dojo, and Kenshin. He was the most special one of all. The one who stayed with her most, who knew her best, and the one she had fallen in love with. But each and every time, she would sit in her dark room and nothing would happen. She would sit in darkness, until she could only clench her hands in frustration and watch the clock.

On the first anniversary of her father's death, Kenshin and Kaoru knelt by his grave. They sat in silence, with their hands together. After a while, Kaoru opened her eyes and watched Kenshin. Feeling her gaze on him, he opened his eyes too. They looked at each other for a moment before she looked away. "You know, I'm glad you came down this road when you did Kenshin."

"This one is glad too, Kaoru-dono, that he is."

"You've done a lot for me. And I'm not sure how long I would have sat there if it weren't for you."

"This one is sure Kaoru-dono would have felt tired eventually. Kaoru-dono is a strong woman, that she is. She has taken care of everyone, that she has."

"I… see."

"Oro?" Kenshin turned to Kaoru. "Did This one say something wrong? What did this unworthy one say? Why did Kaoru-dono pause?"

Kaoru giggled. "You worry yourself silly sometimes, Kenshin. Nothing is really wrong." She stood up and brushed the dirt off her hakama. "We should probably get home now, Kenshin. The others will wonder where we are."

"Aa, this one is coming, that he is." He stood, and like last year, the two began to walk to her dojo. This time, Kenshin kept pace with her. The silence was comfortable.

"Kenshin?"

"Yes, Kaoru-dono?"

She stopped and pulled him so he faced her. They looked into each others eyes. "Kenshin, I think I love you." There was silence. No reaction was given from either of them. Then Kaoru suddenly felt embarrassed. "Wait! I mean… I didn't… I… Mou! Kenshin, you idiot!" She stomped away, angry for confessing her feelings so suddenly.

Kenshin stood rooted to the spot. He was shocked at the turn of events. He was happy she confessed…. But her sudden anger towards him was… confusing, to say the least. He saw her disappear and realized that her anger would only increase if he said nothing and stayed out late. He rushed back towards the dojo and got there in time to see Kaoru stomping towards her room.

He was suddenly behind her. He could hear her muttering about stupid rurounis, and that made him smile. "I'm not a rurouni anymore." Kaoru turned around. Her voice left her at the sight of his eyes. There was so much warmth in there. "I have a home. My home is here because you are here. My home could be on the streets, because you are there. My home is wherever you are Kaoru."

She blinked, and waited as if he would say more. When he shifted uncomfortably, clearly not expecting this reaction, she sighed and folded her arms. "So…" he looked like he didn't know what to say. "So, I love you, and you…."

Kenshin smiled, finally understanding. "This one believes that words like that are not meant to be spoken until marriage." And the anger in Kaoru's face, he hastily spoke the rest of his thoughts. "So if Kaoru-dono would accept this unworthy one, please allow him to court Kaoru-dono until that day when he can."

She stared at him then smirked. He grew nervous at the sight of that smirk. "I will not allow a man who thinks himself unworthy to court me. I want a strong man who can take care of me. I want only Kenshin." His jaw dropped at her words. She turned back towards her room and slid open the shoji. "And this courting better not take another year." She disappeared into her room, leaving a shocked man outside. He slowly regained him composure and smiled.

"Let the courting begin, my lady." He disappeared.

That night, Kaoru was sitting at the dining table at Kenshin's urging. He brought out all her favorite dishes. He even made a point to sit next to her during dinner. Yahiko and Sano immediately knew what was going on, and couldn't hide the smirks on their faces. "About time Kenshin." Sano hooted.

"Oro?"

"Man, I thought you would take forever just to get started. This better not take another year." Yahiko said. "I don't get why you would take someone like Busu though. There are plenty of-"

Once again, Kaoru managed to produce her bokken out of thin air. Yahiko and Sano("Hey, I did nothing wrong!") were left with bumps on their head. "Kenshin~ Would you like some tofu?"

"Ah, I can-"

"Kenshin. Would. You. Like. Some. _tofu_?" There was a scary smile on her face, speaking of unthinkable anger.

A drop of sweat seemed to trail down the back of his head. "Yes please, Kaoru." He answered meekly. She got it for him and the rest of dinner was finished in silence. Kaoru was in one of those moods again. She could be happy or angry, and they wouldn't be able to tell until it was too late.

That night, Kenshin knocked on her door. She opened the shoji. She was standing in her yukata with her long hair let down. It stole Kenshin's breath away. "Kaoru. You are…" stunning, ravaging, gorgeous, absolutely- "beautiful."

Kaoru blushed. "Mou. Thank you Kenshin."

"I…" He remembered his gift, hidden behind his back. He brought the deep red flower out and held it towards Kaoru. "This is for you. I, Himura Kenshin, would like to court you, Kamiya Kaoru."

Kaoru smiled and took the flower. "I give you permission to court me, Himura Kenshin." She held out her hand and he took it, flipping it so he could kiss the back of it, like they did in the west. She giggled and stepped towards him. She leaned against him and stood on her toes. Her lips met his scarred cheek. "Thank you Kenshin. Good night now. Sweet dreams."

He was smiling when she stepped back again. His arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her close again. "No. Thank you Kaoru." He kissed her cheek and then disappeared down the hall to his room. Kaoru could only giggle with the happiness she felt and quickly closed the door to her room. She set the flower on her vanity table and stared at it for a long time.

That was when she made her first spark.

Many opportunities came after that. Whenever Kenshin would surprise her with a gift, or a sudden romantic walk at night, Kaoru always felt that same giddiness that made the sparks of light. She would sit in her room remembering, and sudden sparks would fly from her palm. They all disappeared quickly, but it made Kaoru feel even happier. She was close to finding that light again.

They had been courting for half a year already. Kaoru was really worried that it would take another year for her to marry. What if Kenshin didn't want to be tied down that easily? What if he was having second thoughts now that he's courting her? She began to worry, and it showed through the sleepless nights.

Nightmares began to plague her. At first it had just been Kenshin, leaving her for some other woman. She didn't worry about any of it, because she trusted him. Then the nightmares got worse. She always saw darkness. It was so dark, she couldn't tell where she was, or how she got there. Was it a room, or a hole? Was this simply nothing? Then she would begin to glow. It was so irrational, because she couldn't glow. She could hardly even make light. But in her dreams she did. And when she started to glow, she could see a large man talking to other man dressed in dark robes and wearing lots of rings. There was no doubt in her mind that he was a mage. The image would fade and she would turn to see her mother, back when she was alive, being hit by the mage. It would spark such anger in her, but her glow never dimmed. The large man appeared again, saving her mother. She could not hear a word, but understood the sacrifice her mother made. Then the day when her mother died. This was back when Kaoru first made that ball of light. She could clearly see now the large man that took her mother's soul away. It was the same man that appeared all the other times. She couldn't tell who he was. The child in her always screamed for her mother. Always screamed for her to come back. Her glow would become so bright it was hard to see, then it felt like something was draining from her. It was too bright to see what was going on. She only knew that she was falling apart, disappearing.

The circles under her eyes grew darker and darker. Kenshin always asked her what was wrong, but she always denied that anything was wrong. "Just having some trouble sleeping. I'm too worked up over the day, I guess."

Of course, he didn't believe her. His time to find out came when she finally fainted in the dojo one afternoon. He had heard Yahiko shout, and quickly rushed her to Megumi's. Megumi did her diagnosis and said that there was nothing wrong with her. "She is stressing her system. I can see that she hasn't been getting enough sleep. That is about all I can tell you. She's stressing herself silly, the idiot raccoon."

It didn't take long for Kaoru to wake up. She woke up only a short few hours later. Her eyes popped open and she gasped for breath. "Kaoru?" She nearly jumped out of the futon at the sound of Kenshin's voice next to her. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. "Are you alright? Did you have a nightmare?"

"I-I'm fine. What am I doing at…" she looked around. "…the clinic?"

"Megumi said you were stressing yourself. You fainted and I took you here." Kenshin sat next to her and curled an arm possessively around her waist. "Why have you been stressing, Kaoru? Talk to me."

"I… There's nothing…"

Kenshin frowned and withdrew his arm. "Kaoru, I am the man courting you. I am here to make sure you are well and safe with me. I cannot do that if you do not tell me what's wrong."

"But Kenshin…"

"Kaoru." He looked her straight in the eyes. "I like you enough to want to court you and eventually marry. Please, let me help you."

"I…" She blinked. Were his eyes just… amber? "Umm Kenshin…?"

"Yes, Kaoru?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course."

Kaoru smiled at his immediate response. "Okay." She hugged him, surprising him enough to make him fall back onto the futon. "I'm just having some bad nightmares. I'm really okay Kenshin. They're just dreams."

He wrapped his arms around her, holding her to him. "Okay. I trust you." He kissed her cheek and they stayed together like that. That is, until Megumi walked in on their "scandalous" moment that all their friends seemed to find out about.

It was only one month after that, that Kenshin took Kaoru out for a midnight stroll. They held hands. When they finally stopped, it was too close to her father's grave for comfort. "Kenshin?" She gestured towards the grave. "What are we doing here?"

"There is something important I have to ask you. I figured it would be nice for your father to hear me out too."

"Oh…" Kaoru wasn't sure how she felt about that. It could mean anything. What if he really didn't want to be with her anymore? What if he wanted to make sure her father would not haunt him if he asked. A million more possibilities came to mind.

"Kaoru." She couldn't look at him. He put his hand on her cheek and coaxed her face up towards him. "Kaoru. You said that you will only have me, Himura Kenshin. I will hold you to that now and forever." Kaoru held her breath. Was he really…? "Kamiya Kaoru, will you become Himura Kaoru? Will you marry me?"

Kaoru let out a shaky breath. "Kenshin…" She threw her arms around him. "Yes! Yes, yes yes!" She squeezed tighter and leaned back just long enough to kiss both his cheeks before returning to her hug. "I'm getting married! Oh, Kenshin!" She laughed and began to cry.

"Kaoru... Can't… breath…"

"Oh!" She let go and stepped back. "Sorry! I'm just excited… and happy… and… oh Kenshin…" She sniffled and tried to wipe away her tears. She turned to the grave and knelt, not caring how the dirt will dirty her kimono. "Daddy… I'm getting married…"

"I promise to take care of Kaoru." Kenshin was kneeling next to her. He took her hand and squeezed. "I will never let her go. Thank you for taking care of her all these years. She is a fine and beautiful woman. I hope you give us your blessing."

"Kenshin…"

He turned to face Kaoru. "I will love you for every day of our lives. I will never let go of you and I will trust you with my heart. I already asked you Kaoru, but now that I've asked your father for his blessing, will you marry me?"

"Yes." She sniffled again and wiped her tears away. "I will marry you Himura Kenshin."

"Good" Kenshin smiled. His other hand lifted to help her wipe away her tears. "Let's go home now, Kaoru." She nodded and they walked back home holding hands again.

He walked her to her room. She had finally stopped crying. She opened her shoji and stepped in. When she turned, Kenshin was right behind her. It made her blush. "Thank you, Kenshin."

He smiled and lifted her hand to his lips. "No, Kaoru. Thank you." He leaned forward until his forehead touched hers. "I know that I said I don't believe in saying this before marriage, but you made me so happy just saying yes. I believe that, even though we are not yet married, we will be, and that in itself is the greatest thing to ever happen to me because of you." He leaned in more, until his lips were just a breadth's away from her's. "I love you Kaoru."

And they kissed. Kaoru's eyes were closed, as were Kenshin's. It was their first real kiss. Kaoru felt like she could die from the happiness she was feeling. She could taste the sweetness and love Kenshin poured into her. This was the pure untainted joy she had long looked for.

With that, a great beam of light bursted into the air. It disappeared within one second, but it was enough to make Kaoru gasp and stumble back. The strength in her legs faltered and she fell to the floor. She had never told Kenshn about her ability to make light. She did not think she would need to yet. He was staring at her in pure shock. "Kenshin… I …"

"Kaoru, did you…"

"Kenshin, let me explain-"

"So you did." He knelt on one knee as he stared. "You could make light, but you never told me…"

"No, wait-"

"How could you hide this from me?"

"I didn't mean-"

"I thought we were meant to be together Kaoru. How could not tell me something this important?" He stood and turned. "I never thought you would lie to me." He began to walk away.

_If he walks away, he won't come back. Just like Okaa-san…_ It was irrational to see things this way. Her mother was dead, that is why she cannot come back. Kenshin was still alive. Kenshin can always come back. But that child in her screamed not to be left alone. Not to be left in a place where she would find nothing but darkness. "I thought you said you trust me!" she yelled. "If you trusted me, how can you not listen to what I have to say?! How could you say you trust me, if in this moment, you turn your back on me?!"

The dam broke. Her eyes began to tear again. She couldn't see. She has cried so much, it hurts now. Even though the tears were of joy before, the tears of pain overwhelmed her even more. "How could you say you love me, if you cannot trust me enough to listen?" She couldn't look up anymore. She couldn't continue watching him walk away. Instead, she watched as her tears made drops on the floorboard. She could hear nothing. There was nothing around her, but the darkness. Just like her dreams.

Arms were suddenly around her. "Please don't cry Kaoru" Kenshin whispered. "I can't… Please don't cry. It breaks my heart to see you like this." She tried to pull away. "Please Kaoru, don't." He hugged her tighter. "I'm sorry. This one is sorry. Please, forgive me."

"You don't love me" she murmured.

"That is not true!" He lifted her head. "That is not true Kaoru. I love you. I will love you until the end of time. But you have to trust me too. We can't love each other if we don't trust each other."

"I never said I didn't trust you!"

"But you never said you did."

She was taken aback. "Wh-what?"

"You have never said that you trusted me. If you can't even tell me something like this, how am I supposed to feel?" he asked gently.

She was silent for a moment. He hugged her tighter and began to run his hands through her hair. "You're right." This made Kenshin pause. "Of course you're right." She gave a self-depreciating laugh. "Would you like to listen to what I have to say?"

"Always, Kaoru."

And she told him. Kaoru told him everything. She talked about her father, a man who loved her even if she was not his own blood. She talked about her mother, who taught her how to be a lady before she was even ready to walk. She talked about those nights, where she could never make the light she so desperately wanted. And those nights where nightmares haunted her when she closed her eyes.

She talked about him. How he was able to make her happy again. How her happiness manifested itself into light. She explained how she could just concentrate sometimes, and a ball of light would appear. She didn't show him.

As the clock said it was time to rise, Kaoru found she had told her story through the whole night. She was silent as she began to stand. Yahiko would be here soon, and she wanted to get training over and done with. A strong hand gripped her arm, preventing her from finishing her motion. "Don't go."

Kaoru winced. She didn't like this side of Kenshin. The side that was so compassionate and gentle to her. She didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve him, and he only reminded her of that every time he used that tone. "Yahiko will be here soon, Kenshin. I need to get ready for him."

"Stay Kaoru."

"Yahiko will be here soon" she repeated firmly. "I am not going to skip a lesson just because of some personal business." She finally managed to pull her arm away and stood up straight. "If you would please get out…" She turned and walked to her chest of clothes. She picked up the white gi that lay on top and the hakama she wore for training. She heard her shoji slide closed and she slowly knelt down. She had to be strong now. She had to get ready to teach. Her only student was going to be here and she wouldn't fail her father by losing this one student. She took a deep breath and let it out as a long sigh. Her hands reached behind her, trying to look for the end that would untie the obi.

One tug, and the obi was loose, falling off her. What surprised Kaoru was the fact that it wasn't her that tugged it. She didn't have time to turn around when arms wrapped around her, holding her to the warm body behind her. "I'm not letting you go" Kenshin whispered. She tensed. "I will never let you go."

"Kenshin…" She half heartedly struggled. He was much stronger than her, though he didn't seem like it. If he wanted her there, she would stay there. "Yahiko-"

"Will not be here today. I told him that you would be tired today. He said he would work at the Akabeko for a few days anyway, to build up some cash. Most likely to buy Tsubame-chan a gift." His arms tightened around her and his hands slowly made patterns on her stomach.

Her breathing hitched at the feeling. "Kenshin, stop."

"No." His breath tickled her ear. He kissed the side of her head and lifted her to turn her around. She now faced him, sitting on his lap. His eyes were a warm purple, but she could see the amber sparks trying to get out. "We trust each other now. You know my story and now, I know yours. We finally trust each other now." He kissed her again, slowly letting her get used to the feeling before swiping her lips with his tongue. Kaoru gasped at the feeling, and Kenshin took the chance to taste her mouth before pulling away, leaving them both breathless.

"We're not married" Kaoru blurted. She turned red and began to stammer. "W-we… shouldn't…i-its wrong…"

"You're right, we're not married." A mix of emotions showed on Kaoru's face. She was happy she was right, and hadn't embarrassed herself that badly by being wrong, but at the same time, just the fact that she wasn't married disappointed her.

_Perhaps I won't even marry Kenshin, now that he knows everything…now that he knows I'm a freak._

"We are not married Kaoru, but we will be." Kaoru's eyes flashed in surprise. "Now that I know everything, how can I want anything else, but to be with you? I love you Kaoru, for who you are, and for trusting who I am."

"W-we will be? Married?"

A small smiled curved on his lips. "I did propose and ask your father's blessing didn't I?"

"B-but… I thought…"

"Kaoru." He pressed his lights against hers lightly for a second, silencing her. "I only wanted you to trust me. You accepted me as the Battousai, and you loved me as the Rurouni, but you only wanted me as Kenshin. You left me no choice but to love you."

Tears glistened in her eyes. "Oh, Kenshin…"

"Besides, I like the fact that I can make you happier than anyone else in the world." He kissed her again but sighed. He eyed her loosened kimono and slid the outer layer down. She was left trembling in her juban. Whether from anticipation or anxiety, she did not know. Kenshin however sighed again and stood quickly to grab a yukata for her before sitting in front of her again. He slid off the juban but quickly replaced it with the yukata. When Kaoru looked at him in confusion, he smiled. "I can wait. You were right, we're not married yet. Doing this now wouldn't be honorable. I can wait for you, forever if I had to." He leaned in to kiss her and stood to set up her futon. "You should rest now. You've stayed up all night. I'm sure you're tired."

When he was done, he stood to leave, but Kaoru quickly grabbed him. "Even if nothing happens, can you please stay? Stay with me?" She had to know. She had to wake up with him next to her. She had to see if he could keep her nightmares away.

He tilted his head. "Okay Kaoru." He kissed her forehead. "Just let me change into my yukata and I'll come right back." She nodded. He was quick, making use of his god-like speed to change and come right back to her side. She made room on the futon for him, squishing over to one side while he slid in. She was blushing, but looked him in the eye, as if asking for his consent. He gave her one of his soft smiles and pulled her close. She was tense for a second, but then relaxed, curling into his warmth. They slept through the morning like that, curled into and around each other for warmth and comfort.

* * *

"I've found you. I've found you and now, I can kill you." A low chuckle rumbled into the dark sky, bringing darker clouds. "You won't get away this time."

* * *

Preparations for the wedding had been stressful, but thorough. Kenshin was as passive as ever, saying that Kaoru can have anything she wants. Sometimes, it made Kaoru mad, but she knew he was being sweet. She also knew he had taken some jobs from the government to pay for this wedding. It upset Kaoru, since he was trying his best to hide it, but still snuck away in the middle of the night to do his job. She never yelled at him though. She only looked at things that were on sale, and bargained for lower prices. She had hoped that this would make him stop, but he still took those jobs. She would wait up at night, until she heard the shoji slide open and he would take a step in before closing it. Then, she would close her eyes, at feign sleep until he was next to her and sleeping soundly. She hated that he would take those jobs and not tell her, but she knew he was doing this for her, and he didn't want her to worry. She let him be.

The day before the wedding, Kaoru had just finished the fitting for her wedding kimono. Kenshin had finally stopped taking those government jobs for a week already. Hopefully that means he has done enough. Kaoru spent more time now thinking about their wedding ceremony. The dojo was cleaned as was the rest of her house, with the help of Yahiko, and Sano (who of course was forced into it). Everything was ready. Kaoru looked at the sky and frowned. She wished there was light, but the candles that were waiting to be lit would have to do. She smiled in anticipation. "Soon…"

Kenshin was currently out, no doubt to buy food for tonight's dinner. They had found out they ran out of tofu this morning and he announced that he'll be going to the market to buy food for lunch and dinner. Kaoru sat on the engawa, awaiting his return. She thought back to everything that has led them to where they were. She was glad she told him about her past and her dreams. They both knew everything about each other now. There were no secrets between them now.

A loud bang on the gate drove her thoughts away. She grumbled at the interruption. She had been thinking of all the sweet things Kenshin had done for her. She opened the door a little more forcefully than necessary. "May I help you?"

Outside the gate, a man in a cloak stood. His face was obscured, not that it would have been easy to see anyway, with the darkened sky darkening further. "You look just like your mother" he said.

Kaoru tilted her head, naivety making her drop her guard. "Yes, many people have said that to me. Did you know my mother?"

"I knew her well."

"I see. Well, I'm sorry to say this but my mother isn't here." Kaoru looked down, sadness suddenly overtaking her mind. "She died when I was five" she whispered.

"Ah… So she is no longer here to protect you."

Kaoru lifted her head and glared. "I don't need protection. I'll have you know, I'm the assistant master of the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu. I am not a weak pathetic girl." The man did not say anything. The sky above darkened further. Kaoru looked up, as if she was trying to see what was happening in the heavens above. "Well, if you have no further business here, sir, I would suggest you leave and find shelter at an inn in town. It might begin to rain soon."

"I will not" he answered. "I have some business to take care of first."

"Well-" She was cut off as both his hands suddenly came at her. They aimed for her throat, but Kaoru quickly stepped back and knocked his hands away with her arm, instinct helping her move through the motion. He lunged forward again, the hood of the cloak falling back. Kaoru dodged again, hating the fact that her kimono made her react so slowly. Why hadn't she changed into her gi and hakama? Kimonos were useless in fights. She started backing up slowly, her feet making their way to the dojo. The man matched his steps with hers, taking one forward as she took one back. She decided to take the chance and turned, running as fast as she could to the dojo. The man was only surprised for a second, but it gave her enough time to run in. He was in there with her just as it began to rain. Kaoru grabbed a bokuto off the wall and prepared for his attack. Her kimono would surely limit her abilities, but she wasn't the assistant master of the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu for nothing. He was not trained in any art whatsoever. He didn't even seem to have the basic kendo skills. He was losing against Kaoru, and they both knew it.

She had finally been able to knock him back towards the entrance. He landed on his back, and she kept her bokuto pointed towards him. His expression seemed thunderous. She knew he was thinking the same thing all those other men she fought were thinking. How can a woman, in a kimono no less, defeat them? It blew their pride.

His hands flew out again, and Kaoru instinctively stepped back. His muttered words could not be understood. Kaoru noticed the distinct black shadows that crawled its way into her dojo. She involuntarily took a step back. They made their way to the man, curling around him like loving pets. He smiled at her sudden apprehension towards his shadows. She was given no warning. All of a sudden, she was pushed into the far wall by the shadows. She gasped as the man laughed. He stood and brushed himself off. "Stubborn, just like that mother of yours. Stubborn and stupid. For that, you will die, light maker." She knew who he was now. He had aged tremendously, but Kaoru could still recognize his face. It was the mage, from her dreams.

"You are the one" she said. "The one who brought this darkness to the world. You had no right to block the light."

"Silence!" He was no where near her, but she could feel a hand against her throat. It tightened and banged her head against the wall. Pain bursted through her head. "I did what I had to. You have no right to lecture me." He stalked over, a smirk forming on his lips. "After all, you should show more respect to you father, shouldn't you?"

His words stopped Kaoru's attempt at finding a time to surprise him with a bokken thrown to his head. "My father is dead" she said flatly.

"Your father, is right here." He smiled. "Did Ami not tell you? Oh right, she made a deal with that demon. Died before she could tell you, no doubt."

"You lie!" she threw her bokken at him, her aim perfect even in with the anger burning through her. "I would never accept a father like you!"

The man was hit, and his shadows pulled back, comforting their master instead of restraining her. She stood and rushed to her bokken. She held it in front of her again, eying the shadows wearily. She knew she had to watch for those shadows, instead of the man. He was not dangerous, just his magic. When he attacked again, she dodged. She could not do anything without getting close to him. She eyed him, waiting for the opportunity to strike. It came when she dodged, and instead of jumping back and to the side, she leapt forward, going under the striking shadow and thrusting her bokken forward. He gasped for air and fell back. She blinked, she could have sworn she heard the shadows hiss, but surely it shouldn't be possible. She held her bokken, ready for anything. The man began to laugh. It made Kaoru furrow her brow. The man was _laughing_? Why?

"You are much like your mother, but also such a disgrace. Does she know her daughter weilds a sword? Does she know she disgraces her family name by beating her own father with a wooden sword? Ami would be so disappointed."

That struck a nerve. She had always known she was not a proper lady like her mother tried to teach her to be. She always preferred the sword to cooking. "I know…" It broke her concentration for one second, and one second was all he needed.

She found herself once again held against the wall by shadows. The wind knocked out of her. It felt like a hand on her throat was squeezing. She clawed at her throat in vain. "Foolish women. Always so emotional." His hand closed into a loose fist. Kaoru felt as if her throat was in his hands. "Die" he said. She watched as his fist slowly closed and the air stop coming into her system.

"Kaoru! Where are you?!" Kenshin. He's home, she thought. Kenshin. She can't die. She has to marry Kenshin. He is waiting for her. He-

"KENSHIN!" She screamed with the last of her air. This was it. She couldn't do more than that. Tears leaked from her eyes. She was relying on him again. She was weak and pathetic, always needing him to come for her. She always put him in danger. Her eyes began to close, the lack of air making it hard for her to keep them open.

"Kaoru!" He was there. As if the wind had simply blown him there. The sakabattou was in his hand and he was quick to knock out the strange man in the room. It was easy for him, with his god like speed. She had worried needlessly.

The shadows' hold on her was removed and she fell to the floor, almost knocking her head against it. Kenshin caught her, holding her to his chest. She gasped for breath. "Ken…shin" she panted.

"Kaoru? Kaoru are you alright? Stay with me."

"I… I'm fine." She felt the cold trail of tears on her face. "I'm sorry. I keep dragging you into so many messes…"

"I'm sorry Kaoru. You're always in danger because of who I used to be."

"No… Not this time." She glanced at the man behind her fiancé. "He… he's my father…" Kenshin was stunned silent. "Daddy, the owner of this dojo, was the one who raised me. But this man, he is the one who made me. Oh Kenshin" she looked up to him. "I… He brought about the darkness… and he's my _father_…"

She began to cry into his chest. "Shhh. Its okay. I'm sure its just a mistake. Shhh."

"But its not a mistake!" she looked up, meeting his violet gaze. "He really did-" She gasped as she saw from the corner of her eye, a shadow. On instinct, she pushed Kenshin away. Her left hand came up on its own. She felt the pain as the shadow pierced through her palm as if it was a knife. It disappeared as soon as touched her blood.

"Kaoru!" The woman could only stare at her own hand, where the shadow had disappeared. "Kaoru, are you okay? Talk to me!" She could hear the voice of her fiancé calling to her, but she was now in her own world. She realized what she needed to do now. She knew how to give the world the light.

But the dream… it had to mean something. The feeling of disappearing… It was scary and worrisome.

Then she thought about people like Yahiko, who had never even seen the light. He was born in a time where there was never light. He could not make it like Kaoru. He would never be able to bathe in that kind of happiness.

She knew what she had to do. She turned to Kenshin. "Kenshin I love you!"

Shocked at the sudden outburst, Kenshin reached out his hand. "Kaoru?"

"I love you. I will love you forever, but you can't always hang onto the past!"

"I-"

She kissed him into silence. "Goodbye Kenshin. May you be happy in what only I can give." She rushed to the man and placed her bloody palm over his hand. He screamed and the smell of burnt flesh rose into the air. Kenshin was thrown back by some unseen force. He shook his head and watched as Kaoru began to glow. "I will never forgive you for this" she said to the man now screaming in pain. "But I pity you for not seeing what was more important." Her glow brightened and she couldn't see anymore.

"Kaoru…" it was a whisper. A voice she had forgotten.

"Kaa-san…"

"Kaoru, I told you that blood relations don't matter. The man who raised you is your father."

"But the one who made me is the one who took away the one thing I could make."

"Kaoru-chan…"

"Kaa-san, why didn't you tell me?"

"Kaoru-chan, he is of your flesh and blood, but he did not make you who you are today. Did he teach you to hold that wooden sword of yours? Did he teach you what it means to be happy? He is not the one who made you." Kaoru was silent at her mother's lecture. She could hear the older woman sigh. "You have grown up. I missed you." She could feel the phantom touch of her mothers hand on her cheek. "My Kaoru-chan. I'm so sorry you have to do this…"

"Kaa-chan… Kenshin will be alright, won't he?"

"I don't know."

"But… Kenshin deserves to be happy. He's been through so much. I… Kaa-chan I love him. I was going to marry him" she could feel the tears burn in her eyes. "I was going to marry him tomorrow."

"Oh Kaoru-chan…"

"Kaa-chan, I want to give the light back to the world, but I love Kenshin. I wish I could have told him that one more time…"

"Hush child" there was a new voice. A female suddenly spoke, her voice soft, yet strong. "I can see that you are suffering. I cannot let my children suffer like this. Do not cry. I can make it better…"

"Mistress…" her mother breathed.

"I give you this happiness Kaoru-san, for you have held a part of my soul with you, to keep safe, and to help with this moment. I thank you for taking care of me, and I wish you the best with Kenshin and your friends."

"I…" Kaoru shut her eyes. Was this really happening? "Thank you, mistress…"

"I am Amaterasu. Do not forget me. I will be always watching over you, with the sun and the moon and the stars…"

Kaoru could feel the power draining from her. It was too bright for her to see what was going on. She could only feel her energy fading. "Kaa-san…"

"Shhh. Mistress has promised you. Live your life, darling, and I'll watch over you with her."

"Goodbye Kaa-san."

She was falling apart, disappearing. She was once again in darkness, but she felt safer now than ever before.

* * *

"Kaoru… Kaoru, please wake up… Don't leave me..."

Kaoru blinked. It was dark, but she could clearly see the red hair and the violet eyes. "Kenshin…"

"Kaoru!" He looked her over. "Kaoru, I thought I lost you!" He checked over her again. She had no lasting injuries on her. Even the cut on her palm seemed to have disappeared. "I… What happened? I only saw you begin to glow, and then-" He looked at where the man had been. His body was no longer there, having disappeared without a trace. "I thought… What happened, Kaoru?"

"I… think I can tell you everything. I had a part of Amaterasu in me… my whole life… and I never knew…" She looked up at the love of her life. "That is why I could make light Kenshin! She was a part of me, and I could have given the light back sooner… if I had known." She touched his face. "Kenshin I love you. I love you and I will never stop loving you."

"Kaoru…"

"That is why I was able to come back. Because you deserve nothing less than happiness. She knew that, and I didn't want to give you any grief."

"Kaoru…" He didn't seem to be able to form any words. He only said her name and held her tight. "Kaoru, Kaoru, Kaoru…"

"Kenshin." She could hear it in the way he said her name. "Kenshin, I'm still here. I won't be going anywhere."

He hugged her tighter and slumped into her. "You did it Kaoru. We can see the sky again." He choked. "I remembered when you told me about your dream. How at the end, you felt like you were disappearing. I-I couldn't stand the thought of it. Having you disappear from me."

She tugged on his hair, making him look her in the eye. They were bright, amber flecks appearing in the violet, showing how much he meant what he said. She kissed him and smoothed his bangs away from his eyes. She didn't say anything, just stared at him. He blinked and a smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

He lifted her and took her to the engawa, where they sat and looked up at the moon and stars. Kaoru was fascinated. She had never seen such natural light before. She fell asleep in her lover's arms.

~~~~ The Next Morning~~~~

"…aoru! Wake up, you damn raccoon!"

Kaoru was startled awake at that statement. She squinted, the place was too bright for her eyes. Did that fox light all her candles again? "Stupid fox… blow out the candles…too bright…" She turned and snuggled into the warmth radiating at her side. "Mmmm…"

There was a nervous chuckle. "Kaoru? You need to wake up now…"

"Look! It's a miracle! Don't you want to see it for yourself, raccoon?"

"Kaoru, look at what you gave back" Kenshin whispered in her ear.

"Kenshin…" Kaoru sighed and blinked her eyes open, letting them get used to the light. She was still sitting at the engawa, where she had fallen asleep with Kenshin. She squints into the sky and jumps up, ignoring the bite of stone into her feet. "Its so bright! And look! There are no dark clouds! Kenshin!" She turns to the man sitting there watching her. She ignores Megumi as she hugs him and kisses him, right on the mouth. "Kenshin, isn't this wonderful?!" She giggles and kisses him again.

"How indecent!" Kaoru flinched as Megumi's voice. "Can you at least have the decency to wait until tonight? I'm only here to get you ready for your wedding! Not get an eyeful of such dirty things!"

"You won't think its dirty when its your turn Megumi." Kaoru pouted and stood. "But I suppose I need to prepare for my wedding now." She stepped onto the engawa once again and planted a kiss on Kenshin's head. "I'll see you in the dojo" she whispered. She skipped to her room, leaving behind a startled and blushing red haired man.

Megumi shook her head. "You really should keep a good leash on her Ken-san. Its so hard to control her." She gave him a sly look and laughed behind her hand. "Though I'm sure you should have no problems doing that. Ohohohoho!"

Kenshin stammered his denials and blushed even more fiercely than before as Megumi too left for Kaoru's room. 'Oro. What a strange day.' Then he looked up at the bright blue sky and smiled. 'A wonderfully strange day. Perfect.'

Kamiya Kaoru became Himura Kaoru on the first day of sun in over 25 years. Needless to say, it was the happiest day of her life.

* * *

_Wow. I cannot believe I wrote this. I'm so sorry for posting this so late. I will not give an official reason for why this is late (my caution against stalking, which, I might add, has happened before) but I offer my most sincere apologies. I will also be posting a new chapter of Escape, Possession, and Look and See very soon. Please have faith in this author, for I try my best to get through the days._

_I hope everyone enjoyed this 16 page story. I might have rushed the end a little bit, but I would never regret writing this for the world. Feel free to review, or not. Enjoy yourselves minna-san, and remember that there is always someone watching over you, with the sun, the moon, and the stars._


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